That’s right! Ten years in Japan. A decade. Some three thousand six hundred fifty days! So today’s Q& A is a little different. I’m asking myself a question.

Question via S.W. Wildwood:
It’s October twenty-first when I’m posting this.
What can I do by June thirteenth to be closer to my goal?

Answer via tarot cards & energy:
(featuring Maggie Stiefvater’s The Raven Boys tarot deck)

So, we’ve got the basic Ten-Card Reading here. Sure are a lot of Swords here (gulps). The Swords are generally not nice… This isn’t typically how I read, but for the sake of anyone who has no idea about tarot I’m going to lay it out there for you to see, and maybe follow along. If you are familiar with tarot and my reading seems off, tell me your perceived meaning~

1. Current self – Five of Swords
★To me this indicates fighting a losing battle, or a bloody one for both sides at the least.
2. Complicating factor to your current self – Five of Cups
★Grief and loss are pretty big factors in my life, as the card suggests, but it also gives me hope there’s a friend nearby.
3. Factor dominating my unconscious – Ace of Cups
★New relationships and opportunities are budding, and I have to say the opportunity door is opening, but it’s up to me to go through. Damn.
4. Factor dominating my conscious – Knight of Cups
★I’m being too unrealistic. And that is a constant concern of mine. Maybe this card is telling me to make the decision in one direction, or to come back down to earth and be practical.
5. What I think will help – Four of Swords
★I do want to retreat and recuperate as the card suggests. A lot of that has to do with having little to occupy my time, or perhaps the renewed FFXIV membership… or I really do need to heal after everything I’m still coming to terms with family-wise.
6. What I think will hinder – Two of Swords
★Not doing anything one way or the other is a factor I consider unacceptable, and this card is rife with wanting to avoid a fight.
7. What will help – Eight of Coins
★Hahaha. This is the practice and hard work card, and that is pretty apt in relation to my goal. I can’t expect any rewards for just practice and hard work though, but they’ll lead that way…I hope. I’m in the middle of that work according to this card, so–keep on keeping on?
8. What will hinder – Knight of Swords
★My own words and the words of others. They cut me up, and that’s true. I’m my own worst critic, and even though I’m getting better at taking criticism, it can make me abandon a project if I think it’s trash.
9. Next step in the immediate future – Nine of Swords
★Being afraid and doubtful, but maybe there’s nothing to be afraid of. This card works heavily with depression, and ding ding ding–with BPD depression and I are pretty much room mates. So maybe it’s time to duct tape depression’s voice and just do what I need to do.
10. The outcome of following the steps – King of Swords
★I’m a bit iffy on this outcome card. The King of Swords is about truth and justice, and I’m not seeing how that ties this all together. If I follow the course will I be justly rewarded for my hard work and dedication? It’s a hazy answer at best. It’s definitely not a yes or a no, but tarot seldom ever is.

I think the spread is telling me the things I’m worried about are really just my self-doubt, anxiety, and depression. That I can do this if I keep doing the work and stay diligent. And as long as I don’t let myself stop me, nothing will if I stay on the path I think is the right one. Ultimately, I think it’s telling me to trust myself more.

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